Time Keeps On Tickin', Tickin', Tickin', Into the Future.... | celainn's Blog

I am 43. 

And it's...ok.

I am still single - still not dating.

And it's...ok

I find it very odd that the thing I had always dreaded so

("You'll be alone FOREVER!!")

has come to pass and that it's...ok.

All those late nights furtively chatting with Mr. or Miss. "MaybeTheOne"

All that experimentation in my 30's with this or that mastorbatory aid

("Magic Wands or just lube on the fingers?  Compare and contrast.")

All that weeping, all that moaning, all that crying about not having what everyone else had.

All that jealousy.  All those feelings of inadequacy and "broken"ness.  All that regret and blame thrown at the mirror.

For what??

I am still here.  I am still alive.  I am still happy. 

Yes, you heard me.  I'm happy, goddammit.  I am happy being alone.

My god, why couldn't I have been as smart 20 years ago?  

I could have saved myself unending heartache

Just be admitting that I didn't actually need or want anything else.

This lesson (like pretty much every other lesson in my life) I had to learn from experience.

So, yes. 

43.

Single.

Happy in that state.

Maybe I'll die single.  That'd be fine.

As long as I die a very, very ELDERLY single.